I have been at it alot these days. Oh, what you ask? Working out of course. I probably couldn't tell you why. I've also been watching alot of Bleach lately. As i sat on my bum and watched episode 115 i realized something about Ichigo. He had let his friends down by not being strong enough do suppress his inner hollow. I wonder if that is why i am working out so much. Could it be that I am trying to suppress my inner demons? I have become much stronger than i used to be. I wonder, has anyone ever tried to fight their inner demons alone before? According to my religion I am not capable of defeating my inner demons alone. God would have to help out. *sigh* I don't know...I can tell that my physical strength has increased tremendously. My resolve to defeat my "inner Hollow" is stronger than ever. Yet somehow... I just cannot feel satisfied that i have won. I have often desired something top protect. It is impossible for me to protect reputation. I have none you see... I thought of course of people. The thought of being someone's "number one defender" stuck out in my mind as something that I would love...I mean, I feel great look great...heck, at first glance I might seem like a normal happy human being. Honestly, i feel like i have so much bound energy that i am about to explode or go crazy or both. Every day when I wake up I feel like I have far too much energy. This is not the "hyper energy however, it is an energy that drives my will. My physical endurance. My desire to be stronger and happier. The harder I try to achieve some kind of peace the more energy builds up. Day after day i push myself harder and longer than before. To the point that I cannot move. Even then I can feel frustration for being weak.

My conversation to you have been me reaching out for an outlet for this tremendous energy a have day after day. I don't know if you can help, or...even if you understand what I am talking about. If you do...